Funny Explanation of Wrestling Rules

Seneca Valley High School Wrestling parent Tom Cully puts together an
informative and often funny event program for matches. Here's an
excerpt from the most recent one.

"Rules

We want to thank the students who have come tonight to cheer on the team. As this may be your first wrestling match, we will go over the basic rules. If you know the team
by heart and even know how much weight they cut for tonight, skip ahead
to page six. The rules of wrestling are basic as the sport was
invented by caveman who were either fighting over a mate, fighting for
a better cut of brontosaurus meat, wanted to take someone’s cave due to
better writing inside or fought to be in the next Gieco commercial.
Each match begins with both wrestlers standing in what is called the
neutral position. They then shake hands before they then try to
physically and mentally break the opponent. There are three periods to
a match; each period is two minutes in length. The object of the match
is to take your opponents shoulders or lower part of the shoulders
called the scapula to the mat for two seconds. As one is not permitted
to bring blunt instruments on to the mat, this goal at times is
difficult to achieve. If one gets a pin (also called a fall), the
match ends."